I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
