i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
