Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize