Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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