Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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