Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
