Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize