Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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