Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
