we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
