Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
