Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
