I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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