If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
