You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
