The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
