I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
