i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
