I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
