I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
