I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
