I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
