did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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