they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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