the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
