There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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