She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You took a bar mat shot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
