Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
i think i just lost a toe
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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