Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
