32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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