Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
