I wish my penis had an off switch
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
