i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
