Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
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