I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
