Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
