I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
