its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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