dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
