I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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