mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
