woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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