i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
