and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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