I need to stop coming to work sober
Too much gin, very little bucket
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
