I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
