feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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