Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
