I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
