he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You were trust falling into bushes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
