I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize