Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
