you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
