My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
