Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
