I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
