Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
