It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
