who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
