Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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