I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
