dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
